I Survived a Third World Hospital

It seems like there has been some confusion over what my situation over the last few days has been. Of course, this is understandable given that I haven't been in a position lately to do much good communicating. Let me just start at the beginning and tell the whole story.

During my entire pregnancy, I have been healthy and my baby has been healthy. I have been going to a doctor (ob/gyn) here in town for regular check-ups, and a couple of weeks ago she saw some signs that things may be starting to progress. It was her opinion that things would probably happen pretty rapidly--and, to her credit, that particular day it did seem like there was evidence of that. She wanted me to start coming in every day so that she could check the baby's heart rate and my blood pressure. I have been doing that, and things have continued to look good. However, things kind of slowed down after her initial assessment. The only real progress I saw after that was that I began to be dilated (so far 2 cm) and the baby was getting really low.  This was about a week ago, but nothing has changed since then except that the baby continues to get lower and lower. Other than general feelings of discomfort/stress and occasional soreness in my back, neck and shoulders, I have had no pain. Any contractions that I have are generally barely noticeable to me (well, only very recently have they started to be a little stronger, but they're still not painful). So, even though there have been some signs of things happening early, it is very likely that I won't actually go into active labor until my due date (this Thursday, Sept. 12) or later.

Something you should know about my doctor is that she is very cautious. If there is even the remote possibility of anything that could be a potential problem, she wants to make sure we check it out.  At one point she sent me to get an ultrasound (which they do at a lab here in town) because there was a slight possibility that the umbilical cord was in a bad position, but it turned out that everything was totally fine. Still, we had to be sure. On Saturday, she was of this same mindset when I went for my regular checkup and the baby's heart rate was a little low. Normally he has been at about 140 to 150, but that day it was more like 120 to 130. This was not necessarily a problem because the normal range for a baby is anywhere from 120 to 160, but it was a little odd for him. She sent me to eat some lunch and then checked me again--with the same result. So, just to be sure everything was okay, she sent me to the hospital here in town so that they could give me an I/V and then check the heart rate again. I was only supposed to be there a few hours, assuming that everything was fine. But, if there was a problem and they needed to do an emergency C-Section, I would be in the right place.

If this isn't already obvious, I just want to point out that Nicaragua is a third world country with socialized medicine. For many people here, it is great that they even have a hospital, regardless of the conditions. Our hospital happens to be way under-staffed with barely enough room for all of the people. Doctors don't have much time with individual patients, and it takes forever even to be seen by anybody. (There are some troubling physical conditions too, which I can describe in more detail personally if anyone asks.) We came to the emergency room Saturday afternoon ("we" being Tommy, my friend/translator Tania, and myself) with a long note from my doctor and the expectation that I would get checked out, get an I/V, get checked out again, and then probably get sent home. That seemed to be what was happening until they actually gave me the I/V and took me to a room with a bunch of beds where other pregnant women were laying around.

At this point, let me explain about the maternity ward situation at the hospital. There are two sections: one for the general populas with as many beds crammed into the rooms as possible, and another, nicer section with smaller, more private rooms (with maybe 3 or 4 beds per room instead of maybe 8 to 16) for those who pay insurance.  For ease of reference, we can call these two sections the "bad side" and the "good side." Since Tommy and I are not even residents here (yet), we don't have insurance for the hospital to be able to use the good side. One would think that we could just pay a certain amount, but apparently it doesn't work that way. The side I got sent to with my I/V bag was the bad side, which is run by a completely different staff than the good side. At the time, though, I didn't care because I was still under the impression that I would only be there for a few hours.

I want to reiterate here that I was only there to have my I/V and to make sure that the baby's heart rate went back up. But, once they checked me out, they figured out that I was already 2 cm dilated. I didn't have any reason to think that this was a problem because my doctor (who is very cautious) already knew about that and was already monitoring me every day. Meanwhile, it was taking forever for my body to take in all the liquid from the I/V bag (and we had to wait hours between times that anyone actually checked on me). Tommy ended up having to go and get me dinner. After eating, I was supposed to wait 30 minutes and then see how many times the baby moved in 10 minutes. (This instruction came from my doctor, who was communicating via the phone with Tania.) We were hoping for a least 3 movements, and I felt 4. I tried to pay attention in the next 10 minutes as well, and there were at least 5 movements, probably more. For my doctor, this was a good sign. Still, we didn't know about the heart rate. Nurses came to check stuff, but they hardly told us anything. Eventually it became clear that we would need to spend the night there. No one was actually communicating anything, so I guessed that it was just the hospital's policy that anyone still there after a certain time had to spend the night. I wasn't happy about this, but I figured they would let me go in the morning. Tania ended up staying with me during the night, sharing my tiny twin matress. However, neither of us slept well at all. It was physically uncomfortable, and I still didn't know what was going on with the baby's heart rate or if I would have to have a C-Section (though I figured probably not because if there had been an emergency they already would have done something). I maybe got 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

The next day (Sunday) the heart rate was back up to normal and I was just waiting for someone to tell me I could go home. Eventually I had another check-up "down there" and everything was fine there too (still 2 cm), but the lady said that they would need to keep me there to keep checking on me. At this point I began to realize that the hospital staff was thinking that I was supposed to be there until I delivered the baby, which might not be until Thursday or later. We had some people make some phone calls and eventually it came down to the decision of a particular doctor (on the bad side of the hospital). While we were waiting to hear something, I had an ultraound, and everything was great there too. Everyone who had checked me said that everything was fine with me and with the baby. But, when we heard the word from the doctor (who didn't even communicate with me directly but with other people in the phone chain), it came back that I would have to stay. No one came to talk to me about this or explain any reasons why. I was just stuck. (We would have just left, but then they would have refused to help us later when I needed to deliver the baby.) We were outraged, but it seemed that there was nothing we could do. Some of my friends came to visit me that night, one of whom is studying to be a nurse. She reviewed my file and was able to tell me that the reason I was being kept was because I was 2 cm dilated. No one seemed to care, though, that I had already been that way for days and was already under the care of another doctor. Tommy stayed there with me that night. I got a little more sleep than the night before, but still not enough.

I want to explain that the thing I was upset about was not even being at the hospital itself. It was already part of my plan to come to the hospital when I was actually in labor. (It was a long and frustrating process to figure out our plan, but, after weighing all of the options, the plan was to come to my doctor's office when labor started and just go to the hospital when it was time for delivery.) I wasn't even bothered so much about the idea of being on the bad side. I knew that the physical conditions are not as good there, but I was okay with the idea of being there 1 or 2 days after delivery if need be. The thing I was upset about was the fact that we had no control over the situation (and people weren't even explaining what was going on). Also, it wasn't even my due date yet, so I realized that I might have to be there for a week or more. Before coming to the hospital, I had been enjoying time at home with Tommy, our last moments together as a couple with no children. That time had been suddenly ripped away from me for no good reason. There were friends here who, after hearing about the 2 cm thing, were telling us that it was actually better for me to be at the hospital, but apparently people are taught different medical standards here than in the States. I can say that being there at the hospital was definitely worse because 1) I was barely sleeping and was very concerned that I would be exhausted by the time I had to give birth, 2) I had only very little opportunity to get up and walk around, which could have really drawn things out unnecessarily and made me all lethargic before delivery, and 3) the stress of the whole thing can't be good for the baby (or for me). On top of all of that, the physical conditions were bad, and the medical staff was downright mean. (I could say a lot about both of those things, but this post is already way too long.)

On Monday, I was somewhat resigned to the whole thing, feeling defeated. The situation got worse, though, when they kicked my translator out. She was able to make some phone calls to get something in the works where she would have a permission slip of sorts to be there. The process was taking a while, though. I had to deal with several situations where I didn't understand what people were saying. But, some of my friends started working on some other options. It became a possibility that I might get moved to the good side. This wouldn't get me home, but at least the physical conditons would be better and it would be a whole different set of doctors and nurses. I wasn't expecting that anything would happen soon, but at least I had the hope of some improvement. Once Tommy realized that I had to be there by myself, he decided to just be there at the hospital, even if he couldn't be in my room with me. Visiting hours are really funky (and they don't explain them up front, so they appear to be pretty random), but after a really boring morning and afternoon (during which the medical staff barely even checked me), Tania and Tommy (and other visiters) were allowed back in the room in the evening. We were waiting to hear from another doctor (who is known by one of my other friends) who has his own clinic but also works at the hospital. It was a possibility that, if he checked me out and everything looked good, I could be released to his care (I could go home and just go to him for daily check-ups) and come back to the hospital with him to deliver (just like the original plan with my doctor, but the hospital recognizes him as somebody). Finally, much later, the doctor came by for 2 seconds just to say that if everything looked good I could go home the next day. (We assumed that he meant that he would do the exam the next day, but he never really said that, though his whole demeanor was that of "Don't worry; I got you.") That was really good news, though I still had to wait for his actual assessment of the situation, and I would still have to stay there another night.

While we were just sitting there, kind of winding down for the evening, suddenly a nurse came in there to take me over to the other side. We were shocked, but we happily gathered up all my stuff. I was taken to a much smaller room with 4 beds instead of 9. The whole feel of the place was better (and the physical conditions were better). The patients were obviously richer "city" people instead of poor "country" people. Apparently one of my friends was able to make a phone call to the right person. Then, as we were sitting there, a doctor came in and asked why I had been admitted (in a tone that said "Why are you even here?"). Tania explained the situation to him and he seemed like he thought it was as stupid as we did. He examined me (he was an actual gynecologist; the staff on the other side were not as qualified) and said that everything looked fine with me and with the baby and that I should go home. We found out later that my doctor had talked to him about my situation, but no one could do anything while I was still on the bad side. I was told that I should just come back when labor actually starts, and when I come back I will be able to come directly to the good side without having to mess with the bad side. So, I got home last night around 10 PM, and once I got to bed I slept deeply for a very long time.

Obviously, we are so happy that I am home now. I went back to my original doctor today and the baby's heart rate is strong like it should be. The doctor said that she has a good relationship with the doctors on the good side at the hospital, so she should be able to help me more now once I have to go back there. As for me, I still feel fine, though the "activity" that I occassionaly feel going on is stronger than it was a few days ago, like something is gearing up but isn't quite ready yet. We are back to our original plan, so I'm just at home waiting. My feeling is, after all this nonsense, he will probably come on his due date (Thursday) just like he's supposed to. But, we'll just have to wait and see...

Before I close, I just want to mention that, while I was stuck in this ridiculous mess, I witnessed so much love from so many of my friends. There is no way I can possibly pay all of them back. I am so thankful for them, thankful for all of you reading this who have been praying for me, and thankful that God was with me even in the midst of all this.

Okay, now that I have told you the whole story, I'm going to go sleep in my bed. :)

Blessings,
Becky

Gigantic Report on What We Do Here

Hello, everyone!  Despite the long break in posting, we are still here.  So far we have been in Nicaragua for about a year and 8 months, almost a year of which we have been in our house.  During that time, we have been to the States together twice (last Summer and last Christmas), and Becky went by herself in January after her grandmother's passing.  Right now we are gearing up to make another trip to South Carolina where we will be staffing First Week at Palmetto Bible Camp, and pretty much the rest of June we will be in Charleston.  (If anyone would like to get together, please get in touch!)

Another reason we are excited to be coming home for a while is so that our family will have a chance to spend some time with Becky while she is pregnant.  Yes, if you hadn't already heard, we are expecting our first child (a boy) in September.  So far (¡gracias a Dios!) Becky has been blessed with a fairly easy pregnancy.  Doctors visits have all been positive.  (We can actually get an ultrasound here for as little as about $14!)  Our thought right now is that delivery will happen at the hospital in Managua.  If it works out that way, our son should be able to have dual citizenship, and, as his parents, we may be awarded residency for a period of time.  Regardless of the legal stuff, we are thrilled at this upcoming change in our lives.

As far as our work here, we have pretty much settled into a routine, and over the last year we have moved out of the "getting settled"/"getting our feet wet" stage to the "getting serious" stage.  After we came back here at the end of August from our trip to the States, we hit the ground running working to build the infrastructure of our organization.  Mostly this has involved a lot of paperwork and long meetings about protocol and which things should be our focus, but we have put ourselves in a position where our group has been able to get a lot of work done.  Becky has taken on the role of secretary/office administrator, while most of the work that the guys (Tommy, David, and Chris) do is out in the field in a community called Yankee.  We have narrowed our projects to goat farming, small animal husbandry (mainly with rabbits), stove pipes (to get the smoke out of people's homes), and bio-sand water filters.  But, by and large, our focus lately has been on the water filters.

Almost all families in the countryside are drinking water contaminated with E.coli, parasites and other bacterial and physical contaminants.  We currently have 53 families using a bio-sand filter in their homes, which is roughly 320 people with access to clean water.  We have achieved very good results from our filters with 98%-100% removal of E.coli.  We are slowly working on our other projects as well (for example, we recently visited a farm in another area to learn more about goats), but since clean water is foundational to life and health not only for humans but for domesticated animals, we are focusing most of our efforts here right now.

All of these projects are an expression of God's love in Christ Jesus that motivates us to work together with people to alleviate some of their more pressing physical concerns.  It gives us a chance to spend time with people, form relationships and show that we care.  This allows us to build bridges to sharing the word of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ with those with whom we work.

We've started working on a plan to build a network of community leaders in the Yankee area who can work to distribute our bio-sand water filters on a larger scale.  This was an idea brought to us by our friend Reynaldo Gonzalez who is the preacher at the Church of Christ in Yankee and our main contact in the area.  Reynaldo has identified people from four areas who are already serving as leaders for their communities.  They are excited to work with us to bring water filters to their neighbors.  We have started training these people on filter construction and they just completed their first round of test filters built in the field completely on their own without our assistance; so far so good!  We are also very excited about the fact that all of these people have expressed a desire to have Bible studies with Reynaldo, and Reynaldo hopes that some new churches can be planted in the future as a result of this effort.

We recently had a great opportunity to partner with an organization called Bread For A Hungry World (www.givebread.org) to raise money to build more bio-sand water filters.  Bread is a Church of Christ based missions organization in Texas.  They agreed to match our donations dollar for dollar up to $2500.  We are very happy to report that our goal has been reached!  We want to thank the folks at Bread for working with us, and we want to thank those of you who contributed.

Something else that Tommy has been working on is a Google Earth Map that shows the locations of all of our water filters and has many pictures attached to the waypoints so that you can see the homes where these filters are located and the families that live there.  If you would like a digital copy of this map, just send Tommy an email at tommy@1hope4life.com, or you can send him a FaceBook message and he will email it to you.  It will come to you as an email attachment and you will need to open it in Google Earth.  If you haven't already, simply download Google Earth for free, and when you get the .klm file as an email attachment just copy it to your desktop and then double click on it. At that point, Google Earth will open automatically on your computer and display the map!

We thought that you might be interested to know what our days and weeks are actually like here, beyond the general information about our projects.  Here are our individual versions of how things usally go:

Tommy here; I just wanted to give you a quick run down on what my typical week looks like (although, here in Nicaragua things don't always go as "typically" planned due to many different challenges and obstacles that present themselves more often than they do in the States).  I usually get up around 6 o'clock in the morning and ride my motorcycle to Misión Para Cristo, arriving at or before 7 o'clock.  David and Chris and I start each day with a cup of coffee and an hour of Bible study before going to the Mission devotional with all the staff at 8.  The Mission devo lasts for about 30 minutes and includes singing, prayer and a short message from one the preachers.  After the devo, the three of us meet in our office with my wife Becky (who serves as our Secretary and general keeper of the order).  It is at this time that we discuss anything that needs to be discussed, make plans for the week, month, etc. and basically deal with "business."  After that the guys load up in a truck and head for the community of Yankee where we do most of our work.  If we need to we will stop at the local hardware store to pick up any supplies that we might need for the day.  The drive to Yankee takes about 30 minutes, and sometimes we use this time to make further plans or talk about pressing issues.  Once in Yankee we go to Reynaldo Gonzalez's house to pick him up and then go about the business of building water filters, checking on older filters, distributing Bibles and visiting with families in the area.  At the end of the day we drop off Reynaldo at his house and are usually back in Jinotega by 5 o'clock.

Okay, now this is Becky speaking.  Most weekdays I get up around 7:00, and then at about 10 to 15 minutes before 8:00 I head to the curb to wait for a taxi to take me to the mission.  (The trip to the mission should only take about 3 to 5 minutes if you go directly, but often I have to wait for the other passengers to get dropped off first.  It is rare to be the only passenger in the taxi.)  After the 8:00 devo, I meet with the guys and pester them about paperwork until they end our meeting with a prayer and head off to do their work for the day.  I keep track of a lot of information, but mainly I deal with the documentation for each water filter, each family in the field we work with, and each team member's "Weekly Reports" on what work they did in a given week.  I also end up working on layouts for various printed materials we need from time to time.  Some days I am in the office all day, but it usually isn't necessary.  Actually, a good portion of my time is taken up by the mision's "Casa Materna" (maternity house) ministry.

The Casa Materna ministry is a joint effort by Misión Para Cristo, local Nicaraguan Church of Christ congregations, and congregations in the States.  (The government here set up these locations where women from the countryside with at-risk pregnancies can stay to be closer to a hospital.  The women are usually there in the last 2 to 3 weeks of their pregnancies and then leave a day or so after they deliver.  The government provides some support for these locations but generally not nearly enough, which is why we try to do what we can.)  The coordinator of this work through the mission is Janese Davis (a North American from Texas), but I try to give her as much help as I can.  I am sort of her "second in command" in charge of organizing the ladies from our congregation here in Jinotega (who do most of the actual work).  Once a week we make a trip to our Casa Materna location here in town to give a devotional (I usually lead the songs, while the "church ladies" give the lessons and say the prayers), deliver "baby bags" filled with helpful items for the babies and mothers, and do some kind of craft activity (beaded bracelets, hand-made quilts and baby hats, etc.).  When groups are here from the States to help, usually the ladies get pedicures too.  Sometimes, especially during the Summer when we have a lot of groups, we go to other CM locations several hours out of town where we do our usual routine and also cook lunch for the ladies.  To all of the locations that we service, we try to supplement their food stores (often with uncooked beans and rice).  Once a week (usually on Monday) we have a workday in the afternoon when the "church ladies" come to assemble the "baby bags" and do everything else that is necessary to be ready for our trips.  (If you are interested in what all goes into a "baby bag" and how you can help, let me know and I'll get you some more specific information.)  In addition to all of that, I have spent a lot of time getting our Casa Materna "closet" at the mission organized, and I tend to poke my head in several times a week to make sure that it stays that way.

During the week, I also try to get in a Spanish lesson or two when my teacher (and also one of my best friends here), Tania Hernandez, is available.  My Spanish certainly isn't perfect, but I end up having to use it very frequently.  I feel that, usually, I am able to communicate fairly well.  I know enough to feel that I have real relationships with people here who don't speak English (even though I am by no means fluent).

Of all of the things that we do here, we feel like one of the most important is simply having relationships with people.  It is through relationships that we most directly show God's love to people.  Becky has been "helping" with the youth group here, but that mostly means that she just spends time with them.  The group recently partnered themselves off so that there are pairs of people to study the Bible and pray together, and Becky has been working with one of these pairs.  Once a month we try to have the whole youth group over for their weekly gathering.  Beyond just the youth group, however, we pay attention to the relationships we have with everyone here, whether it is the mission workers or church members, our neighbors, the people who work in the stores we frequent, or even the North Americans who come to the mission.  We believe very strongly that people need people, and there are lots of people here with whom we have made connections.

We want to say thank you very, very much to all of you who have contributed financially to make this work possible.  We are humbled each and every month when we sit down to work out our finances and see the list of contributions that have been made.  We especially thank those of you who make regular contributions each month; your faithfulness is such an encouragement to us!  We are still in need of regular monthly contributions to add to our budget.  Ever since we moved here we have made ends meet month to month with your donations, funds from our own savings and "surprise" donations that we didn't know were coming.  However, we still do not have enough regular monthly donations to meet our budget without having to dip into other sources.  Unfortunately, our savings are effectively gone, and with a baby on the way in September we are facing a critical time here for our work in Nicaragua.  If you know of anyone who might be interested in being a part of our team through regular financial contributions please let us know or show them our website: www.1hope4life.com.  (Even seemingly "small" donations make a difference.)  Thanks!

Blessings to all of you,
Tommy and Becky Brown

Excuses - Becky

Our team has had some exciting things going on lately. Most notably, we (well, the guys; I just deal with the paperwork) have started installing water filters in the homes of people in the community of Yankee. Along with the actual installations, we have been working with leaders of the community to plan the next steps and to get other members of the community excited and prepared for what we're doing. We have figured out with these leaders ways of making our projects "not just a handout," and people seem to be genuinely interested in helping their neighbors.

All of this is wonderful, but it has taken us quite a while to get to this point. Living in not just another culture with another language but also an actual third-world country makes things hard. Add to this the spiritual element in which something "bad" always seems to happen when we're trying so hard to do "good," and life can be quite an uphill battle at times. I mean, as I'm sure you have noticed, we can't even blog consistently. (This time I blame being sick for multiple weeks. Thankfully I have finally emerged from the cave, but now it seems like everyone around me has gotten sick. I think it's just that time of year.)

Most of the time we like to talk about the positive aspects of our lives here, but today I want to share some of the things that make it very hard ever to get anything done. Come visit us and you'll realize how true these "excuses" are. Let's entitle this list "I was going to, but...":

I was going to, but…

1. “The truck I was going to use broke down and all other vehicles were already being used.”
2. “I couldn't get a taxi to stop for me.”
3. “I needed so-and-so, but he/she was sick.”
4. “I was sick.”
5. “I ran out of materials and the store was closed.”
6. “I searched all over the city and no one has the thing I need.”
7. “The power was out.”
8. “The water was out.”
9. “The Internet was out.”
10. “It was raining.”
11. “The road was blocked with peaceful protesters.”
12. “The person I was supposed to meet never showed up.”
13. “So-and-so never answered his/her phone.”
14. “I ran out of minutes on my phone.”
15. “I dropped my phone in the toilet.”
16. “My computer’s battery died because it won't take a charge from the power cord.”
17. “We didn't realize that that day was a national holiday.”
18. “Somebody’s family member died.”
19. “I couldn't understand so-and-so’s Spanish.”
20. “So-and-so couldn't understand my Spanish.”
21. “So-and-so was here from out of town and we had to take advantage of the opportunity.”
22. “I had to wait in my house all week for a contractor to show up.”
23. “I couldn't get in the mission because they changed the lock and I don't have the key yet.”
24. “The small thing I was going to do first turned into something more difficult than I expected.
25. “Something more important came up.”

Every single one of these things has actually happened to at least one person on our team. Most of them happen multiple times and to multiple people. Actually, it is quite common to experience at least one of these things every single day. I am not exaggerating. The sad thing is that this is just the short list; I could probably come up with ten more things right now without thinking too hard about it.

BUT, the thing is that we are getting things done. We have so many reasons why each day should be a total failure, but we are seeing a lot of success right now. Before it seems like I am bragging, I want to say unequivocally that I attribute this success to God. It has to be Him because, otherwise, it doesn't make any sense. Yes, I'm sure part of it has to do with the wonderful people with whom we work, but Who put these particular people together in the first place? Even when we human beings drop the ball, based on how I see things go, it is obvious to me that Someone has everything under control.

Let me sum up with these points:

1. I am very thankful for how God is working in our lives and the lives of those around us here.
2. You can take encouragement that any manner of excuses can be overcome. If God wants something to happen, it will happen, despite whatever obstacles we can identify.
3. Even though living there is logistically very difficult, it is possible to be extremely happy somewhere because of the people you are with (more on that later... maybe).

What excuses are holding you back from doing what you feel needs to be done? What good thing is it that you're trying to do?

Blessings,
-Becky

One Year! - Becky

Yesterday (Saturday, September 29) we celebrated the one year anniversary of our move to Nicaragua. We had a big party at our house for all of the mission staff and their families. Despite me having had to do more of the preparations myself with Tommy's foot putting him mostly out of commission (a story for another time), I felt that things went really well. I am SO appreciative of all of the help I received from different people to make the party a big success. I especially want to thank the other members of my team for their help with transportation and with the food. Most of all, I have to give props to Chris for doing the chicken and "perfecting" the chili.  (And thank you, Shiela Holland, for the chili powder!)

This past year has been crazy, mostly in a good way. Sure, we have dealt with a lot of stress over various things, but in the end WE REALLY LOVE IT HERE. We love the people and we feel good about what we're trying to do here. Thanks again (we can never say this enough) to everyone who contributes to us both financially and spiritually/emotionally. We really couldn't be here without you. I have to say that we can really tell when people are praying for us over here; it makes a major difference. Thank You, LORD, for the first of even more wonderful years (we hope) here in Nicaragua!

-Becky

Going to and Returning to Home (Tommy)

Becky and I recently had the opportunity to take a three weeks vacation back home to the United States.  Charleston, SC is our home; it's where we were born, raised and where we left from when we came to live here in Nicaragua.  Home is so many things really; people, places, sights, sounds, smells, feelings, memories, etc.

We had a really good time experiencing all those things again after being away in a foreign culture for 10 months.  I particularly enjoyed eating at some of our favorite restaurants,  some more than twice.  For me it was a chance to recharge and be refreshed in a lot of ways.  I don't think that I realized how tired and burned out I was from ten months of culture shock, language acquisition, work and being stared at all the time.  Only once I was able to ease back into the comforts of my home culture did I come to understand the extent of my malaise.

The thing that stuck out to me the most about being back in the United States is that everything is really nice and clean and orderly.  There isn't a ton of trash in the streets, drunk men passed out in puddles of mud along the side of the road nor hundreds of near dead parasitic dogs wandering the streets looking for the next meal that will only go to feed the worms crawling through their skeletal bodies.  Now don't get me wrong, Nicaragua is a truly beautiful country in many ways but it doesn't rival the States as far as things just being in a state of "niceness" if you will.

Being home was great and it only took a couple of days for the weirdness of things to wear off and for me to feel like I was "home" again.  However, after the first week or two I really started to miss being in Nicaragua.  I missed our friends and our church and the work that we so strongly believe in.  Although little thoughts about how nice it would be to just return to the States and live there again did cross my mind now and then I can honestly say that the draw to return to the land of lakes and volcanoes outweighed the longing for the comfort and ease of the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Looking out the window of the plane as we made our approach into Managua at night I started to feel a little worried, it all seemed so foreign to me all over again.  I had felt so "at home" in the States again and I wasn't sure if I would so easily be able to slide back into my Nicaraguan ways.  I was pleasantly surprised/relieved once we landed and sat our bags down in the hotel in Managua at how very normal it all seemed to me.  The next day as we drove through Managua to do a little shopping before heading back to Jinotega I felt totally at ease, in fact I felt "at home".  I experienced that same feeling of comfort, familiarity and ease that I had felt while being in Charleston.

I think now I not only know in my head but in my heart also that I have two homes and two worlds within which I live.  I love both of them dearly, neither one is perfect or better than the other, they're just different, and spending long periods of time in either one in no way diminishes my ability to be "at home" in the other.

There and Back Again (Becky)

Wow.

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged; hopefully I can explain it all okay.  To recap the last few posts, Tommy and I waited for something like 8 months before we were FINALLY able to move into our rental house.  The very next day, we were on our way to Managua to pick up his mom and nephew who were here for a week.  We had a really great time with them, but we were still exhausted from having painted our walls, dealt with a myriad of contractors, and quickly moved all of our belongings into our house.  With no couch or dining room furniture, we were all just sitting in plastic chairs, but it was just good to see our family.  As soon as we had them back to the airport, we turned right back around to pick up our friend Bri who was here for 3 weeks (see my last post).  She was very helpful, and while she was here we were able to start getting back into "work" mode after having had so much of our time and focus on our house.  We took her back to the airport at the beginning of August, and then it was just the two of us alone... in our own home... for the first time since March of 2011 (when we moved out of our house in Summerville into Tommy's sister's house where we prepared for our move to Nicaragua).

At the same time, we were wrapping up "group season" at the mission (a very intense time where groups from the States help with all sorts of projects at the mission, including some of our Hope for Life projects).  Things were going to slow down and get "back to normal".  With our Spanish teacher no longer having to act as a group translator, we were going to get started again with our Spanish lessons.  We were going to get ourselves organized so we could be more purposefully productive.  We were going to get some actual furniture for our house so it could be a place for us to recharge as well as to spend some time with our Nicaraguan friends.  (I never realized how important to mental health a couch could be.)  We were finally going to get really "plugged in" (for the second time, in some cases, after focusing so much on our house) to stuff going on in Jinotega.  Basically, all of the things that we had been waiting to do until we had our house and were in a normal state of operation at the mission were going to happen.

But, then there was a murder.  I wish I were joking here, but sadly I'm not.  A family member of some of the mission workers from our congregation (a Nicaraguan) was brutally killed in a drug-related incident.  The guy had actually worked for the mission temporarily as a translator this summer, and we all knew and liked him.  As if that weren't bad enough by itself, the murderer was a North American citizen (actually, he is ethnically German, but he is seen here as an American).  Once word of the murder started getting out and rumors started forming, there started some be some anti-North American feelings in the air.  Just to be clear, mostly everything was fine; no one was purposely going to seek to harm us.  But, Benny was concerned that we could be at the wrong place at the wrong time while someone was upset in the moment.  After much discussion and prayer, the decision was made for all of the North Americans at the mission to go home to the States for a while, just to be "out of sight, out of mind" until the murder was no longer big news.  So, we quickly got ourselves packed and prepared for some unexpected down time after a crazy summer.

Going from "let's get ourselves really 'plugged in' to Jinotega, Nicaragua" mode to being, suddenly, in Charleston, South Carolina, USA was a big shock.  We weren't planning to be back until Christmas (to have been in Nicaragua for at least a whole year), but even so we had been gone more than 10 months.  We found ourselves looking with different eyes at what had previously been our "home" for pretty much all of our lives.  Everything was so nice and clean and organized.  It was amazing to see houses constructed with drywall where the walls actually went all the way up to the ceiling with no gaps.  Driving on the Interstate was so fast and smooth.  Certain stores and houses were huge.  Food from restaurants tasted so good.  (The best sandwich I've ever had in my life was from a little stand at the airport in Miami.)  I was blown away by the convenience of having everything all right there at the grocery store and even (for clothes) Old Navy.  It was all pretty overwhelming.

It was also (obviously) a really big deal to get to see our family and friends.  Both sets of parents and most of our extended family all live in the Charleston area, along with a good many friends and the church family that I have spent my whole life with until moving to Nicaragua.  Needless to say, there were a lot of people to see.  We didn't at all advertise that we were "home," so there is still a large group of people we would have liked to have seen but for which we just didn't have the time.  (We'll get the rest of you next time.)  The coolest thing was getting to surprise Tommy's sister Ann and her family when we randomly showed up at their house.  We were there just in time (within the week) to get to "send off" our nephew to college.  I got to see my grandmother whom I feared might be gone by Christmas.  (BTW, it sounds like maybe a new medicine is doing her some good.)  We got to see some good friends (if briefly) that we had really, really missed since we moved.  I absolutely hate that someone else's friend and family member had to die to make the trip possible, but it was so good to reconnect with our loved ones.

Overall, the trip was amazing.  However, it also made us realize, first of all, how much we needed a break and, second, how much Jinotega has become our home.  For me, as good as it was to be with my people in the States, it was sad to be away from my Jinotega "family."  There are people here that we see literally every single day, and suddenly not to see them for a period of weeks was painful.  I can honestly say that for me I was even more excited to return to Nicaragua than I was seeing the States again.  Once we got to Managua, Tommy and I were literally jumping up and down like little kids in our hotel room because we were so excited to be back.  When we were actually back in Jinotega and got to see everyone again, it really felt like we were "home".  After being in the States where people are so separate from each other, the sense of "community" here was palpable.  The night of our return was crowned by us sitting outside in our plastic chairs, surrounded by the neighborhood kids who were excitedly showing us their English workbook from school.  It is so great to know that we really love these people, and they (at least those we deal with personally) really love us.

Now that we're back, we're sort of on a "getting things organized" high.  We feel recharged and excited about the various things on our plate.  There are still some things we're struggling with (fundraising, learning Spanish, etc.), but we are motivated to do what we need to do.  We covet your prayers as we are still trying to get "settled" in our house (and—hey, I'll just say it—we covet your money as we still need furniture...and Tommy's laptop was stolen while we were away).  Anyway, we feel super positive right now and just so thankful for where God has brought us.  We are so overwhelmed with love from everyone we got to see on our trip and those we are back together with now.  I want to say, too, that I was personally very humbled by the number of people in the States who mentioned that they have been keeping up with this blog and our Facebook updates.  Well, I guess that's it.  We love you all so much.

-Becky

Thanks, Bri!

Wednesday we saw our friend Brianna Close (Bri) back on a plane to the States. Bri stayed with us for three weeks while she helped with various projects (whatever needed to be done at the time) and spent time with the youth group here. Mainly she helped Tommy to begin mapping the town of Yankee where our team has a goat house and where we are developing a "showcase" center of all aspects of our sustainable living program. She also helped in the construction of a concrete floor of a school, as well as with a much needed pipe on an indoor stove at Reynaldo's house (see pictures below). (Reynaldo is the preacher in Yankee, and our showcase center and goat house are on his property.) In addition to all of this, she helped Becky with a lot of things for the Casa Materna.  We really enjoyed Bri's visit (as did the Nicaraguans) and were very grateful to have her help while she was here.

Bri and Tommy carrying water to mix with concrete

Tommy mixing concrete

Bri mixing concrete

Becky leveling the concrete floor

Reynaldo's kitchen before the stovepipe
(notice all the ash on the ceiling and walls)

Reynaldo's kitchen before the stovepipe

Chris, Bri, and David making the stovepipe

Reynaldo's wife sealing the bottom of the stovepipe

The stove after the pipe

Reynaldo's kitchen after the stovepipe

Yay!

So...

We are FINALLY in our house. :)

There is still a little bit of painting to be done, and we still need to purchase most of our furniture and many household items. But, we have electricity and a functioning bathroom now. These things were completed just in the nick of time before we brought home Tommy's mom and nephew (Jacob). We enjoyed spending all last week with them, mostly doing "tourist-y" stuff and just being together. They were the first family members we have seen in person since we moved here last September. A single week was really too short a time to soak up their company and to give them a thorough picture of what all we do here. (We were also very excited to see some of our friends from our home congregation in Summerville who were here doing work with the mission!) However, between their visit, us having had to work on the house, and us having been sick before that, we have really been out of the loop on what has been going on at the mission and at church. I feel like I have barely seen my Nicaraguan friends. We expect things to get back to "normal" soon, though. After I put up this post, Tommy and I will be leaving for Managua again to pick up Brianna, our friend from camp, who will be sort of our Hope for Life intern for 3 weeks. We are excited about the projects we have in mind for her to help with. It will be good to jump back into "work" again and, hopefully, to reconnect with our local friends and co-workers.

Anyway, we are VERY, VERY THANKFUL to be in our house at long last. (Thanks so much to everyone who lifted up prayers for us.) It was amazing and faith-building to watch everything come together by our deadline. It was obvious to me that God's hand was in the entire process, and it was gratifying to see our trust and patience pay off. I would definitely say that the house is worth the wait.

One thing we don't have at the house yet, though, is an Internet connection, so we are only able to communicate through e-mail and telephone (our Magic Jack phone) when we are at our office at the mission. Sorry if it takes us a little longer to respond to your messages. Hopefully we'll be connected at the house soon.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support,
-Becky

Update - Becky

Hey, guys. I just wanted to give a quick update about what has been going on with us lately. We have not had as much opportunity to be at our computers to keep in touch with everyone, so I'm sorry if we haven't been as timely in responding to messages (and sorry if this post is pretty scattered). Tommy and I have been very busy dealing with our house. We were having to go around and light some fires under various contractors, and now we are in the middle of painting, which is a pretty significant undertaking. Meanwhile we have both been sick. Both of us were dealing with stomach issues (Tommy especially), and I (Becky) had a cold. Thankfully we are pretty much better now, though. This week we are missing "camp" for the first time in many years. (We always staff at Palmetto Bible Camp during "Superweek", but, obviously, we're not there this year.) It's very strange not to be there. Hopefully we can go next year. We just got back from an overnight trip to Managua to pick up a videographer who Tommy will be working with over the next week. They will be going around getting footage for a documentary about Texas Tech's work in Nicaragua with the mission. (I plan to keep painting at the house while Tommy is occupied.) Right now, there are A LOT of people at the mission. We currently have the Olive Branch medical mission team along with students from Texas Tech (also five interns). This whole summer the mission has one group after another coming, so I think it will be August before we don't have anyone here. Because of being busy with the house and being sick, Tommy and I have been mostly out of the loop on what the groups have been doing. However, David and Chris have been taking individuals from the groups up to a town called Yankee where our team is developing a sustainable living "showcase" to display each of our different projects. So far things have been progressing well with that. Tommy has been up there some documenting the work as he has been able. At the moment our house is our priority, though (well, aside from Tommy helping with the documentary right now). Our goal is to be in there and have things ready for Tommy's mom and our nephew who are set to come at the end of the month. (We can still really use prayers towards this end!) If we can just get that done, we should be able to shift our focus to other good things we have really been wanting to do. Anyway, this is our world right now. It kinda feels like we're in a bubble or a vacuum. It is satisfying to see our house coming together, but we'll be very, very glad when we're out of this stage.

Blessings,
-Becky

P.S. - I would like to request specific prayers that not only will we be able to get in our house soon but that our house will be a blessing to many others. We have been blessed by a whole handful of people who have kept us from being homeless over the past year or so (our sister Erica Brown, Benny & Donna Baker, David & Caryn Henniger). It is very important to me that we are able able to "pay it forward" with our house. Even if we don't have people actually staying with us, my goal is to have it filled most of the time with people (our Nicaraguan friends & church members as well as various North Americans who happen to be here). I want to be able to be very generous with food and different things on a regular basis, but I'm concerned that this will be financially difficult for us right now. In my mind it seems to me that, for us to give the way I want to give, God will have to show up and provide. (He has so far in our lives, though, so I'm just trusting that He will continue in this manner.) :)

Spanish, the Metric System, and Logic vs. Feelings - Becky

You know what? I like Spanish. There is still a lot that I need to learn, but I feel pretty good about what I do know so far. I still find myself saying "huh?" a lot and getting stuck because of holes in my vocabulary. However, I am able to have meaningful conversation with my Spanish-speaking friends, and I really only use a translator for things that are "official" and "important." Lately it has been coming so much more naturally to me, even to the point of me having to stop myself from speaking Spanish with people who speak only English. When I learn new things about Spanish now, it is easier for my brain to figure out what to do with them. (¡Gracias a Dios! y muchas, muchas gracias a mi buena amiga Tania, quien es mi maestra de español.)

The thing is, Spanish makes sense. Sure, there are many things about it that are confusing because I am not used to them, but overall Spanish is pretty consistent. The vowel sounds are always the same. Consonant sounds are (pretty much) always the same. There are pretty straightforward rules (más o menos) about which syllable of a given word gets the emphasis. Once you know all of these rules, it is not too difficult to read something in Spanish and be able to pronounce it correctly. Compared to English (which is crazy and incredibly inconsistent), Spanish is fairly simple. In fact, I would even say that it is a pretty logical system of language.

Why, then, does it take so much work to learn it? Also, why doesn't everyone in the States learn it? (Just to be clear, I'm not saying that everyone should learn it necessarily; I'm trying to prove a different point, so stick with me here.) After all, it is the language of one of our neighboring countries. I've decided that it's like the metric system. It's logical and may even be better in some ways than what we're currently using, but most of us aren't willing to stop using "feet" and "degrees Fahrenheit" because they are what we know. It doesn't matter that "meters" divide so nicely by tens and hundreds and that "degrees Celsius" line up with the freezing and boiling points of water; we just want to keep doing what makes us comfortable.

The point I'm trying to make is that, as much as we may like to think that our decisions are guided by logic and reason, we are sentimental beings. We get so attached to our current norms that we tend to reject other ways of doing things, even if the new ways make more sense. We do make changes in our lives, but not because of logic (most of the time). We change because we have a sentimental reason to do so. I never would have bothered even to try to learn Spanish if it weren't that I have already given my heart to people who speak it. I'm still resisting the metric system... and I don't even have a good excuse.

This reality makes me wonder what other good things I may be stupidly avoiding—or stupidly holding on to. What personal habits are detrimental to my health but I continue to practice anyway? Are there any people with whom I could be really good friends but who I just feel uncomfortable about approaching? Do I have any "pet" spiritual ideas that make me feel good but don't actually jive with reality? If I answered all of these questions honestly, I could come up with a pretty long list of changes to make in myself. But, as a typical human being, unfortunately, for me to bother to start the process of change, I need more than just rational arguments to do so. Something must appeal to my heart and not just to my head.

But, I think that God set things up that way. This is not to excuse bad behavior at all (because we know that we need to do the "right thing" regardless of our personal feelings at the moment). However, God made us all emotional creatures, and it would behoove us to take note of that. God never said that logic is always good and emotion is always bad. In fact, many things about God Himself are quite illogical. It is definitely not logical to send a son who loves and obeys you perfectly to die for people who constantly reject you. It's even less logical to have created the world in the first place, knowing that you would have to make this sacrifice.

I think I would be worried, though, if everything about God were logical. I mean, would I really want to worship someone who was small and "neat" enough to fit inside my limited, faulty brain? Yes, there are some things about God that do seem logical to me. If the rule is that sacrifice must be made for sin, it makes sense that the death of a perfect person could be enough sacrifice for the whole world. But, I don't believe in Jesus because it makes logical sense to me; I believe because my faith is personal to me. As a missionary, of course I want others to come to put their faith in Christ, but I know not to expect much from making logical arguments. There has to be some kind of personal connection. I would even venture to guess that most people who are decidedly not Christians are turned off from Christianity more because of negative personal experiences than simply finding Christianity illogical. Like I said, God isn't quite logical, and I don't think we should go around trying to make Him so. Just like I only started learning Spanish for personal reasons, most people will only believe in God for personal reasons.

This is not to say that logic has no place in spiritual matters. We should use logic with emotion for the best results. It's jut that most of the time we aren't using logic like we may think that we are, and we need to recognize how important feelings are in ourselves and in others. Logic can present us with ideas, but it is our feelings that cause us to do something about those ideas... And I think that's okay.

What do you think? These are certainly just my opinions, and I would love to hear some other perspectives.

-Becky

¡Felicidades Madres! - Becky

Last night at church the youth group hosted a celebration for all of the mothers in the congregation. (Their Mother's Day is coming up on Wednesday.) The kids gave the lesson and led some worship songs; performed a cool skit and sang some songs praising mothers; and served food that they had prepared themselves. They also took care of the younger kids for the first half of the program. Earlier in the day, they did some pretty serious decorating, and they even swapped out all of the pews for tables and chairs because they wanted everything to be really nice for the mothers. For me, having watched them through the whole process from the planning stages to the implementation, I was very impressed and proud of "my" kids. They came up with the idea on their own and maintained their fervor for it until the end.

I have been "helping" with the youth group for a while now and have sometimes been confused about exactly how I fit in there, but last night with everything going on I really got the sense of "this is where I need to be." When they were still planning everything for this event, I agreed to "help," even though I really didn't know exactly what that would mean. It turned out that I was able to aid in communication with some of the other North Americans at the mission about things the kids needed; to assist with the decorating (though, really I didn't do that much); and to sing with them the songs they performed. The most significant thing to me about all of these things was that I was able to do some major relationship building. I am already friends with some of the older* people in the group because they work with me at the mission. In addition to strengthening those friendships, I felt like I connected with some of the teens that had previously possibly been a little unsure about me. I think that maybe before, they didn't know what I thought about them, but because I have stuck around and because of my help with their Mother's Day program they can see that I love them.

Please don't think that I'm trying to brag on myself here; I am just so thankful that God has connected me with these people. Too often humans find themselves in situations where they are pouring out all of their love but get nothing in return. My heart was bubbling over last night to feel that there was reciprocation. Also, these kids are just cool, and it is neat that they actually like me. I am looking forward to spending a lot more time with them in the next few years.

-Becky

*Someone recently asked me about the age range of these "kids." My response (after a good chuckle) was that they are maybe as young as 9 to as old as 29. Last night I asked one of the older guys how old he is, and he said that he is, actually, 29. As for myself, I only just turned 28, so, other than the fact that I am married, I kind of fit into this group myself, not even necessarily as a "volunteer." I can honestly say that, at least with the older ones, I really feel that they are my friends, not just children I am supposed to supervise or something.

Las Chiquitas Off-Road Challenge

Today; Becky, Chris, myself and several others from Mision Para Cristo went to visit the rural community of Las Chiquitas.  It's about a 20 minute off-road drive from Jinotega over the mountains.  There are approximately 750 people living there and it is one of the poorest towns I've have seen here so far. 

The road (dirt trail)  to Las Chiquitas is pretty good at first but towards the end it gets really, really bad!  The rainy season has started here in Nicaragua which makes good roads bad and bad roads impassable even with four wheel drive.  We were able to get there and back today with our front hubs locked and four wheel low but I'm afraid that sometime in the next few weeks the folks out there may find themselves cut off from vehicular traffic.

The people there are really friendly and very eager to work together with us to better the living conditions there in Las Chiquitas.  They are living on rice and beans everyday and occasionally some chicken or rabbits that they are able to catch.  Their wells are drying up making access to water one of the biggest needs there right now. 

There are some aid items that we can help them with immediately like vitamin soup mixes, clothing, parasite medicines for children and adults and other medical supplies.  Ultimately however, we want to help introduce things to their community like rabbit and goat breeding, composting, raised bed and table gardens and rocket stoves.  There is a time for immediate aid but continuing to give in that manner creates dependency and is not a viable long-term solution to many situations such as this. 

The folks there are also very excited to have Bible classes with us and we should be able to bring them some Bibles the next time we visit there.  The opportunity to share God's love in Christ Jesus with these people through helping them with physical and spiritual needs is exactly why we all came here in the first place and we are grateful to God to have this chance. 

Please pray for all the people living in Las Chiquitas and also for us as we try to work together to make their community a better, safer, healthier place to live. 

To God be the glory!

Tommy

The Fruit Market Girl - Becky

We had a baptism at church this morning. It was a kid who already faithfully attends youth group functions and actively helps with things like prayers and song leading. I don't know exactly how old he is, but I would guess he is anywhere from 11 to 14. (It's so hard to gauge age here!) As far as I can tell, he doesn't have any biological family members at church (I think he may even be somewhat of an "orphan" at home), but he is sort of like the fifth brother to the four sons of one of our preachers (who is also, more or less, the youth minister). From everything I have seen of him, he is a really sweet, godly kid. I was a little surprised that he hadn't already been baptized, since he obviously already has faith and tries to live by it. But, we were all very excited that he made it "official" today.

The thing that was especially exciting, though, beyond the actual baptism, was the response of the other kids at church. The baptistery that we have here doubles as the communion table (it's just a box filled with water that has a top on it most of the time), so it is on the ground and easily accessible. For the baptism, all of the kids eagerly crowded around the "box" so they could see the happy event. It was clear that they understood the significance of what they were seeing and were genuinely excited for their friend.

Now, the church building itself is right across the street from a row of fruit vendors, and many of them bring their children to "work" with them every day. There are several of these kids that we have gotten to know, and when they see us they call us by name, run up, give us a hug, and say "¿Cómo estás?" to us. This morning, the doors of the church building were open (as they always are when service is in session), and we could see one of the girls we talk to most often looking in. She seemed to be intrigued by the baptism. At first she just looked on from outside, but eventually she came in. After the event was over, I asked her if she understood what had happened, and she said that she did. I don't know what was actually going on in her mind about the whole thing, but I was so glad that she got to see not just the baptism but the joyful response of the other kids.

I am convinced that love and joy attract people like nothing else. I don't know what will eventually become of our fruit market friend, but I am honored to get to witness and participate in loving, joyful interactions with her. (Is it just me, or does it seem like this love and joy stuff is so much easier with kids? I hope and pray that I can carry the same spiritual "fruits" into my interactions with adults too.) Sometimes the "work" here can be frustrating, but mornings like this remind me of what I am really trying to do and why it is worth it.

-Becky

Update - Becky

Today Tommy and I were able to get inside our house and start painting (well, priming). We are still not "in" our house, but we are at the point where we are willing to do whatever we need to do just to get it finished. We have to be out of the mission before it is completely filled up with groups from the States at the end of this month, so we are in "let's get this done" mode, though it is frustrating because most of the situation is currently out of our hands. Needless to say, we could really use some prayers.

A few weekends ago, our team had to go down to the Costa Rican border to renew our visas. We were able to complete the whole process at the border in 3 hours (it is supposed to take 3 days), and we spent the rest of our time in San Juan del Sur, which is about 45 minutes from the border on the Nicaraguan side. (It was cheaper than actually staying in Costa Rica.) It was a much needed vacation for all of us. When we got back, most of that week was a vacation week for the workers at the mission, so we had some down time then too. However, Chris (with some team help) spent some of the time building another version of the "rocket stove" over at his house. It was interesting witnessing the construction process (and good to enjoy the fruits of it later!).

Right now our team is still in a "research and development" phase. Our current focus is fleshing out the location of one of our goat houses (in Yankee) with all of the different aspects of what we want to do--like raised-bed gardens, compost piles, etc.--to serve as an example. We want to get it to the point where groups that come down from the States can help with and possibly reproduce these things in other locations here (and, of course, Nicaraguans can reproduce it themselves).

On May 1 we had a huge "ladies' day" here at the mission. Women from congregations all over the North came to sing, pray, hear encouraging lessons, and eat lunch together. I led singing for part of it, and Caryn, Jill, and I were put on the spot to sing a song for everyone (which was awkward--in a humorous way--but we were able to pull it off). Other things here--like church, the Casa Materna, etc.--are pretty much status quo. We are still learning Spanish, and it seems like we have had many random opportunities to use it lately (mostly successfully), which is really good. In general we are gearing up for groups coming down this Summer. (It has been slow for a time now, but it's about to get really crazy.)

Well, that's all I can think of to tell you right now. (Sorry I don't have a spiritual thought for you this time. We have actually had lots of spiritual thoughts in our brains lately, but because a lot of them are connected to personal situations with other people, it is tricky to figure out exactly what to say.)

We love and miss you guys,
-Becky

We Live in Limbo - Becky

Something I appreciate about Nicaraguans is that they will eat a fruit at any stage during the ripening process. For example, they will eat mangoes when they are soft and sweet (which would be the norm for me), but they especially like them when they are hard and tart, mixed with vinegar and salt. There is another fruit here called a jocote, which can be eaten when it is green, yellow, or red. The texture and flavor for each color is very different, but each is perfectly acceptable here. Fruit is something they have in abundance here while they may not have as many options for other kinds of food, so they have learned to work with it.

This attitude is something that they apply to other aspects of life as well. In a country where most of the people are working with what we would consider to be less than ideal conditions and resources, they "make do." There is no point in being picky about their preferences because they probably won't get their preferences anyway. (This is not to say that a child won't complain to his/her parents about the food on his/her plate, but I am talking about the attitude of the culture in general.) Even if there is the possibility of getting something better in the future, it takes so long for anything to happen around here that they just deal with whatever they currently have. (People may not have much money, but they have plenty of time.)

Even though I have never personally experienced true poverty, I think I can relate to the people here in some ways. As far as having to make do while we wait for what we really want, Tommy and I have been "in limbo" for pretty much our entire relationship. (Yes, I know that the phrase "in limbo" is not the same as the game in which you maneuver under an ever-descending stick, but when I think of the phrase I always get the song stuck in my head.) We waited 3 1/2 years to get married as Tommy paid off his debt and I looked for a job. We lived in a cheap apartment for 4 1/2 years, the last two of which were spent looking for and trying to make a deal work out on a house. We finally got our house and were looking into getting a dog and, eventually, having a child, but then our economic situation changed and we had to wait on those things too. Once we made the decision to move to Nicaragua, we waited for what seemed like forever for someone finally to rent our house. Now that we are here, it took us a while to find a house that we wanted, and we are still waiting while the house is being completed.

But, that's okay.

I was feeling frustrated the other day, thinking about all of the good things that we can't do yet because we are not in our house yet (having our Nicaraguan friends over for dinner; starting a regular Bible study; as well as other, various "relationship-building" activities—also, having some actual privacy when we want it). The feeling of being in limbo was there yet again. Then it struck me that we have ALWAYS been in limbo ...and it has been okay.

In fact, the whole time we have been feeling like, "If we can just get [x], then everything will be okay," we have had exactly what we have really needed at the time. The temptation is always to rest our hopes on whatever the "next thing" is and to feel anxious, like we're not really complete because we're only in a "temporary" situation. But, first of all, what if the thing that we're waiting for never comes? Will all of the "life" that we spent waiting have been wasted? Second, is the thing that we're waiting for really going to fulfill us anyway? Sure, it may make things nicer, but I can say from experience that no matter how much I have gotten in my life (whether physical things, relationships with people, "better" situations), I have always wanted more.

The truth is this: Resting our hopes on the "next thing" doesn't work. If we really want to have a life that feels "fulfilled" and to feel "okay" in whatever situation we're in, we need to hope in something that never disappoints. The only thing that fits the bill there is God. What I mean is that (for example), rather than feeling like we can't really start our ministry until we have our house (even though, hopefully, it will be easier to do so with the house), we should feel satisfied in the fact that God has us exactly where He wants us right now. If our trust is in HIM instead of in the thing that we're waiting for, we will ALWAYS have exactly what we need in every situation. We can also trust in His timing that it is exactly what it should be. I have seen friends go through the long, emotional process of adopting a child. I know that some things are VERY hard to wait for. But, if we are trusting in God through the whole process, we can have peace that passes understanding, and, if we allow ourselves to "rest" in Him, we can even have the ever-elusive patience.

I think this is very important for all of us to grasp because, if we look at humanity and all of time as a whole, there is NEVER a time when ANYONE ISN'T living in limbo, really. Until our physical bodies die and those of us who are in Christ go to be with him, we will be living our whole lives in limbo. Romans chapter 8 implies (at least by my interpretation) that even the rocks and the trees are frustrated by existing in an imperfect, temporary state. First, here are verses 18-25:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I definitely know what it feels like to "groan inwardly." The good thing is that God provides for even this situation, as we read next in verses 26 and 27:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

Being "in accordance with God's will" is the key to this whole thing. We know what we want, but God knows what we need. In fact, the next verse, verse 28, sums up the reason why there is no need to worry or grow anxious in ANY situation:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God has everything covered. There may be things that we wait for expectantly, and those things will hopefully be blessings to us once we receive them. But, even RIGHT NOW we have exactly what we need. We read in 2 Peter 1:3:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Someone who understood this concept was the Apostle Paul. He says of himself in Philippians 4:12-13:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Speaking of being "well fed," I love the scene from the movie "Annie" where Miss Hannigan talks to the orphan children about their lunch:

Miss Hannigan: "And we're not having hot mush today."
Children: "Yay!"
Miss Hannigan: "We're having cold mush."
Children: [groan]

Some days we are just stuck with "cold mush." There is something else that we really wish we could have, but we don't have it. This could be something as important as waiting to adopt a child or something as trivial as wanting our fruit to be of a certain ripeness. This afternoon I was hoping for a sweet, juicy mango, but the vendors in the market were only selling mangoes that were either way over-ripe or totally green and hard. Taking my cue from my friends here who have learned to "make do," I went with the green mangoes ...and it was okay. I would prefer to be living in a house right now instead of in the mission ...but it is okay. If my love and trust is in God, everything else will "work for the good." In fact, it is already good, just not in the way I might want.

What things are you waiting for? What do you do when you don't get your preferences? Does it help at all to know that God is in control? Do you ever feel upset that God is "allowing" things to be the way they are? What thoughts help to encourage you in that situation?

-Becky

The Importance of Relationships

I have recently been reminded of the vital importance of relationships, especially for those of us who are Christians. This is a topic that is very broad, so I am by no means going to cover it in its entirety. But, it is something that is at the heart of what we are trying to do here in Nicaragua. Since I can't give all the specifics of various "real" relationships here, I want to put out some points about relationships in general:

1. Everyone needs to be reconciled to God. All of humanity has been separated from God by sin (thanks to Adam and Eve). However, since we were created to be in relationship with God, Jesus died on the cross to get rid of the sin problem. Now, the only thing "between" us and God is Jesus, so to get to God we just have to go through Jesus. (If we "know" the Son, we "know" the Father; see John 14:6-7.)

2. It is our job as Christians to help reconcile others to God. (I have to credit my friend Kim for explaining this point so well in her blog post.) Now that we have discovered the way to God (through Jesus), it is our responsibility to help others find their way so that their relationships with God will be what they were created to be.

3. We need to be reconciled to each other. This point is so important that Jesus himself prayed about it in John 17:20-23 (emphasis added):

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

4. All of us who are "in Christ" make up the Body of Christ. (See 1 Corinthians 12:27.) One reason we all need to be unified is that we are supposed to function as a single unit. However, being unified doesn't mean that we are all uniform. Each of us is a different part of the body, and it is expected (and necessary) that we will be, well, different from each other. When we are working as "one," though, we are a force to be reckoned with. God makes a big statement about what we can do as humans after the Tower of Babel incident (Genesis 11:6): "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.

5. We need each other in person-to-person relationships as well. The model of individuals joining together to form a single organism works on a smaller scale too. Not only were were created to be in relationship with God, but we were created to be in relationship with each other. Forming the bigger organism of the Body of Christ starts with our individual relationships. We can do more with each other than we can separately (see Ecclesiastes 4:12), and there is something special about what Jesus says in this verse (Matthew 18:20): "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

6. It is through personal relationships that we can effectively minister to people. When Jesus was physically on the earth, so much of his ministry was person-to-person. He healed people individually, speaking directly with them and many times physically touching them. We have many examples of him having personal conversations with various people, and always he was drawing them to himself. (With crowds he had the tendency to drive them away, but with individuals he made real connections.)

7. How we treat each other is of utmost importantance. Everything we are supposed to do is summed up in the word love, as we see in Matthew 22:37-40:

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Not only do we need love for ourselves, but it is through our love that we show Christ to the world (see John 13:35). (This goes back to us being the Body of Christ.)

8. Because we are not perfect, our relationships are not going to be perfect. However, where we really see love come into play is when there is an offense given and the victim chooses to respond with forgiveness. This, more than anything, shows God's love to the world.

. . . . .

Again, this list is not comprehensive, but the main point that I am trying to make is that we need each other. When the 1st century church met every single day, I think they really got it (not that we have to do exactly that, but the principle is still true). We need each other collectively (as the Body of Christ), in smaller groups (our congregations, our "small groups," our groups of friends, etc.), and one-on-one. We need others, and others need us.

What other thoughts about relationships have I missed? What are ways that we can try to be more unified as the Body of Christ and on a smaller scale?

-Becky