Update - Becky

Hey, guys. I just wanted to give a quick update about what has been going on with us lately. We have not had as much opportunity to be at our computers to keep in touch with everyone, so I'm sorry if we haven't been as timely in responding to messages (and sorry if this post is pretty scattered). Tommy and I have been very busy dealing with our house. We were having to go around and light some fires under various contractors, and now we are in the middle of painting, which is a pretty significant undertaking. Meanwhile we have both been sick. Both of us were dealing with stomach issues (Tommy especially), and I (Becky) had a cold. Thankfully we are pretty much better now, though. This week we are missing "camp" for the first time in many years. (We always staff at Palmetto Bible Camp during "Superweek", but, obviously, we're not there this year.) It's very strange not to be there. Hopefully we can go next year. We just got back from an overnight trip to Managua to pick up a videographer who Tommy will be working with over the next week. They will be going around getting footage for a documentary about Texas Tech's work in Nicaragua with the mission. (I plan to keep painting at the house while Tommy is occupied.) Right now, there are A LOT of people at the mission. We currently have the Olive Branch medical mission team along with students from Texas Tech (also five interns). This whole summer the mission has one group after another coming, so I think it will be August before we don't have anyone here. Because of being busy with the house and being sick, Tommy and I have been mostly out of the loop on what the groups have been doing. However, David and Chris have been taking individuals from the groups up to a town called Yankee where our team is developing a sustainable living "showcase" to display each of our different projects. So far things have been progressing well with that. Tommy has been up there some documenting the work as he has been able. At the moment our house is our priority, though (well, aside from Tommy helping with the documentary right now). Our goal is to be in there and have things ready for Tommy's mom and our nephew who are set to come at the end of the month. (We can still really use prayers towards this end!) If we can just get that done, we should be able to shift our focus to other good things we have really been wanting to do. Anyway, this is our world right now. It kinda feels like we're in a bubble or a vacuum. It is satisfying to see our house coming together, but we'll be very, very glad when we're out of this stage.

Blessings,
-Becky

P.S. - I would like to request specific prayers that not only will we be able to get in our house soon but that our house will be a blessing to many others. We have been blessed by a whole handful of people who have kept us from being homeless over the past year or so (our sister Erica Brown, Benny & Donna Baker, David & Caryn Henniger). It is very important to me that we are able able to "pay it forward" with our house. Even if we don't have people actually staying with us, my goal is to have it filled most of the time with people (our Nicaraguan friends & church members as well as various North Americans who happen to be here). I want to be able to be very generous with food and different things on a regular basis, but I'm concerned that this will be financially difficult for us right now. In my mind it seems to me that, for us to give the way I want to give, God will have to show up and provide. (He has so far in our lives, though, so I'm just trusting that He will continue in this manner.) :)

Spanish, the Metric System, and Logic vs. Feelings - Becky

You know what? I like Spanish. There is still a lot that I need to learn, but I feel pretty good about what I do know so far. I still find myself saying "huh?" a lot and getting stuck because of holes in my vocabulary. However, I am able to have meaningful conversation with my Spanish-speaking friends, and I really only use a translator for things that are "official" and "important." Lately it has been coming so much more naturally to me, even to the point of me having to stop myself from speaking Spanish with people who speak only English. When I learn new things about Spanish now, it is easier for my brain to figure out what to do with them. (¡Gracias a Dios! y muchas, muchas gracias a mi buena amiga Tania, quien es mi maestra de español.)

The thing is, Spanish makes sense. Sure, there are many things about it that are confusing because I am not used to them, but overall Spanish is pretty consistent. The vowel sounds are always the same. Consonant sounds are (pretty much) always the same. There are pretty straightforward rules (más o menos) about which syllable of a given word gets the emphasis. Once you know all of these rules, it is not too difficult to read something in Spanish and be able to pronounce it correctly. Compared to English (which is crazy and incredibly inconsistent), Spanish is fairly simple. In fact, I would even say that it is a pretty logical system of language.

Why, then, does it take so much work to learn it? Also, why doesn't everyone in the States learn it? (Just to be clear, I'm not saying that everyone should learn it necessarily; I'm trying to prove a different point, so stick with me here.) After all, it is the language of one of our neighboring countries. I've decided that it's like the metric system. It's logical and may even be better in some ways than what we're currently using, but most of us aren't willing to stop using "feet" and "degrees Fahrenheit" because they are what we know. It doesn't matter that "meters" divide so nicely by tens and hundreds and that "degrees Celsius" line up with the freezing and boiling points of water; we just want to keep doing what makes us comfortable.

The point I'm trying to make is that, as much as we may like to think that our decisions are guided by logic and reason, we are sentimental beings. We get so attached to our current norms that we tend to reject other ways of doing things, even if the new ways make more sense. We do make changes in our lives, but not because of logic (most of the time). We change because we have a sentimental reason to do so. I never would have bothered even to try to learn Spanish if it weren't that I have already given my heart to people who speak it. I'm still resisting the metric system... and I don't even have a good excuse.

This reality makes me wonder what other good things I may be stupidly avoiding—or stupidly holding on to. What personal habits are detrimental to my health but I continue to practice anyway? Are there any people with whom I could be really good friends but who I just feel uncomfortable about approaching? Do I have any "pet" spiritual ideas that make me feel good but don't actually jive with reality? If I answered all of these questions honestly, I could come up with a pretty long list of changes to make in myself. But, as a typical human being, unfortunately, for me to bother to start the process of change, I need more than just rational arguments to do so. Something must appeal to my heart and not just to my head.

But, I think that God set things up that way. This is not to excuse bad behavior at all (because we know that we need to do the "right thing" regardless of our personal feelings at the moment). However, God made us all emotional creatures, and it would behoove us to take note of that. God never said that logic is always good and emotion is always bad. In fact, many things about God Himself are quite illogical. It is definitely not logical to send a son who loves and obeys you perfectly to die for people who constantly reject you. It's even less logical to have created the world in the first place, knowing that you would have to make this sacrifice.

I think I would be worried, though, if everything about God were logical. I mean, would I really want to worship someone who was small and "neat" enough to fit inside my limited, faulty brain? Yes, there are some things about God that do seem logical to me. If the rule is that sacrifice must be made for sin, it makes sense that the death of a perfect person could be enough sacrifice for the whole world. But, I don't believe in Jesus because it makes logical sense to me; I believe because my faith is personal to me. As a missionary, of course I want others to come to put their faith in Christ, but I know not to expect much from making logical arguments. There has to be some kind of personal connection. I would even venture to guess that most people who are decidedly not Christians are turned off from Christianity more because of negative personal experiences than simply finding Christianity illogical. Like I said, God isn't quite logical, and I don't think we should go around trying to make Him so. Just like I only started learning Spanish for personal reasons, most people will only believe in God for personal reasons.

This is not to say that logic has no place in spiritual matters. We should use logic with emotion for the best results. It's jut that most of the time we aren't using logic like we may think that we are, and we need to recognize how important feelings are in ourselves and in others. Logic can present us with ideas, but it is our feelings that cause us to do something about those ideas... And I think that's okay.

What do you think? These are certainly just my opinions, and I would love to hear some other perspectives.

-Becky

¡Felicidades Madres! - Becky

Last night at church the youth group hosted a celebration for all of the mothers in the congregation. (Their Mother's Day is coming up on Wednesday.) The kids gave the lesson and led some worship songs; performed a cool skit and sang some songs praising mothers; and served food that they had prepared themselves. They also took care of the younger kids for the first half of the program. Earlier in the day, they did some pretty serious decorating, and they even swapped out all of the pews for tables and chairs because they wanted everything to be really nice for the mothers. For me, having watched them through the whole process from the planning stages to the implementation, I was very impressed and proud of "my" kids. They came up with the idea on their own and maintained their fervor for it until the end.

I have been "helping" with the youth group for a while now and have sometimes been confused about exactly how I fit in there, but last night with everything going on I really got the sense of "this is where I need to be." When they were still planning everything for this event, I agreed to "help," even though I really didn't know exactly what that would mean. It turned out that I was able to aid in communication with some of the other North Americans at the mission about things the kids needed; to assist with the decorating (though, really I didn't do that much); and to sing with them the songs they performed. The most significant thing to me about all of these things was that I was able to do some major relationship building. I am already friends with some of the older* people in the group because they work with me at the mission. In addition to strengthening those friendships, I felt like I connected with some of the teens that had previously possibly been a little unsure about me. I think that maybe before, they didn't know what I thought about them, but because I have stuck around and because of my help with their Mother's Day program they can see that I love them.

Please don't think that I'm trying to brag on myself here; I am just so thankful that God has connected me with these people. Too often humans find themselves in situations where they are pouring out all of their love but get nothing in return. My heart was bubbling over last night to feel that there was reciprocation. Also, these kids are just cool, and it is neat that they actually like me. I am looking forward to spending a lot more time with them in the next few years.

-Becky

*Someone recently asked me about the age range of these "kids." My response (after a good chuckle) was that they are maybe as young as 9 to as old as 29. Last night I asked one of the older guys how old he is, and he said that he is, actually, 29. As for myself, I only just turned 28, so, other than the fact that I am married, I kind of fit into this group myself, not even necessarily as a "volunteer." I can honestly say that, at least with the older ones, I really feel that they are my friends, not just children I am supposed to supervise or something.

Las Chiquitas Off-Road Challenge

Today; Becky, Chris, myself and several others from Mision Para Cristo went to visit the rural community of Las Chiquitas.  It's about a 20 minute off-road drive from Jinotega over the mountains.  There are approximately 750 people living there and it is one of the poorest towns I've have seen here so far. 

The road (dirt trail)  to Las Chiquitas is pretty good at first but towards the end it gets really, really bad!  The rainy season has started here in Nicaragua which makes good roads bad and bad roads impassable even with four wheel drive.  We were able to get there and back today with our front hubs locked and four wheel low but I'm afraid that sometime in the next few weeks the folks out there may find themselves cut off from vehicular traffic.

The people there are really friendly and very eager to work together with us to better the living conditions there in Las Chiquitas.  They are living on rice and beans everyday and occasionally some chicken or rabbits that they are able to catch.  Their wells are drying up making access to water one of the biggest needs there right now. 

There are some aid items that we can help them with immediately like vitamin soup mixes, clothing, parasite medicines for children and adults and other medical supplies.  Ultimately however, we want to help introduce things to their community like rabbit and goat breeding, composting, raised bed and table gardens and rocket stoves.  There is a time for immediate aid but continuing to give in that manner creates dependency and is not a viable long-term solution to many situations such as this. 

The folks there are also very excited to have Bible classes with us and we should be able to bring them some Bibles the next time we visit there.  The opportunity to share God's love in Christ Jesus with these people through helping them with physical and spiritual needs is exactly why we all came here in the first place and we are grateful to God to have this chance. 

Please pray for all the people living in Las Chiquitas and also for us as we try to work together to make their community a better, safer, healthier place to live. 

To God be the glory!

Tommy

The Fruit Market Girl - Becky

We had a baptism at church this morning. It was a kid who already faithfully attends youth group functions and actively helps with things like prayers and song leading. I don't know exactly how old he is, but I would guess he is anywhere from 11 to 14. (It's so hard to gauge age here!) As far as I can tell, he doesn't have any biological family members at church (I think he may even be somewhat of an "orphan" at home), but he is sort of like the fifth brother to the four sons of one of our preachers (who is also, more or less, the youth minister). From everything I have seen of him, he is a really sweet, godly kid. I was a little surprised that he hadn't already been baptized, since he obviously already has faith and tries to live by it. But, we were all very excited that he made it "official" today.

The thing that was especially exciting, though, beyond the actual baptism, was the response of the other kids at church. The baptistery that we have here doubles as the communion table (it's just a box filled with water that has a top on it most of the time), so it is on the ground and easily accessible. For the baptism, all of the kids eagerly crowded around the "box" so they could see the happy event. It was clear that they understood the significance of what they were seeing and were genuinely excited for their friend.

Now, the church building itself is right across the street from a row of fruit vendors, and many of them bring their children to "work" with them every day. There are several of these kids that we have gotten to know, and when they see us they call us by name, run up, give us a hug, and say "¿Cómo estás?" to us. This morning, the doors of the church building were open (as they always are when service is in session), and we could see one of the girls we talk to most often looking in. She seemed to be intrigued by the baptism. At first she just looked on from outside, but eventually she came in. After the event was over, I asked her if she understood what had happened, and she said that she did. I don't know what was actually going on in her mind about the whole thing, but I was so glad that she got to see not just the baptism but the joyful response of the other kids.

I am convinced that love and joy attract people like nothing else. I don't know what will eventually become of our fruit market friend, but I am honored to get to witness and participate in loving, joyful interactions with her. (Is it just me, or does it seem like this love and joy stuff is so much easier with kids? I hope and pray that I can carry the same spiritual "fruits" into my interactions with adults too.) Sometimes the "work" here can be frustrating, but mornings like this remind me of what I am really trying to do and why it is worth it.

-Becky

Update - Becky

Today Tommy and I were able to get inside our house and start painting (well, priming). We are still not "in" our house, but we are at the point where we are willing to do whatever we need to do just to get it finished. We have to be out of the mission before it is completely filled up with groups from the States at the end of this month, so we are in "let's get this done" mode, though it is frustrating because most of the situation is currently out of our hands. Needless to say, we could really use some prayers.

A few weekends ago, our team had to go down to the Costa Rican border to renew our visas. We were able to complete the whole process at the border in 3 hours (it is supposed to take 3 days), and we spent the rest of our time in San Juan del Sur, which is about 45 minutes from the border on the Nicaraguan side. (It was cheaper than actually staying in Costa Rica.) It was a much needed vacation for all of us. When we got back, most of that week was a vacation week for the workers at the mission, so we had some down time then too. However, Chris (with some team help) spent some of the time building another version of the "rocket stove" over at his house. It was interesting witnessing the construction process (and good to enjoy the fruits of it later!).

Right now our team is still in a "research and development" phase. Our current focus is fleshing out the location of one of our goat houses (in Yankee) with all of the different aspects of what we want to do--like raised-bed gardens, compost piles, etc.--to serve as an example. We want to get it to the point where groups that come down from the States can help with and possibly reproduce these things in other locations here (and, of course, Nicaraguans can reproduce it themselves).

On May 1 we had a huge "ladies' day" here at the mission. Women from congregations all over the North came to sing, pray, hear encouraging lessons, and eat lunch together. I led singing for part of it, and Caryn, Jill, and I were put on the spot to sing a song for everyone (which was awkward--in a humorous way--but we were able to pull it off). Other things here--like church, the Casa Materna, etc.--are pretty much status quo. We are still learning Spanish, and it seems like we have had many random opportunities to use it lately (mostly successfully), which is really good. In general we are gearing up for groups coming down this Summer. (It has been slow for a time now, but it's about to get really crazy.)

Well, that's all I can think of to tell you right now. (Sorry I don't have a spiritual thought for you this time. We have actually had lots of spiritual thoughts in our brains lately, but because a lot of them are connected to personal situations with other people, it is tricky to figure out exactly what to say.)

We love and miss you guys,
-Becky

We Live in Limbo - Becky

Something I appreciate about Nicaraguans is that they will eat a fruit at any stage during the ripening process. For example, they will eat mangoes when they are soft and sweet (which would be the norm for me), but they especially like them when they are hard and tart, mixed with vinegar and salt. There is another fruit here called a jocote, which can be eaten when it is green, yellow, or red. The texture and flavor for each color is very different, but each is perfectly acceptable here. Fruit is something they have in abundance here while they may not have as many options for other kinds of food, so they have learned to work with it.

This attitude is something that they apply to other aspects of life as well. In a country where most of the people are working with what we would consider to be less than ideal conditions and resources, they "make do." There is no point in being picky about their preferences because they probably won't get their preferences anyway. (This is not to say that a child won't complain to his/her parents about the food on his/her plate, but I am talking about the attitude of the culture in general.) Even if there is the possibility of getting something better in the future, it takes so long for anything to happen around here that they just deal with whatever they currently have. (People may not have much money, but they have plenty of time.)

Even though I have never personally experienced true poverty, I think I can relate to the people here in some ways. As far as having to make do while we wait for what we really want, Tommy and I have been "in limbo" for pretty much our entire relationship. (Yes, I know that the phrase "in limbo" is not the same as the game in which you maneuver under an ever-descending stick, but when I think of the phrase I always get the song stuck in my head.) We waited 3 1/2 years to get married as Tommy paid off his debt and I looked for a job. We lived in a cheap apartment for 4 1/2 years, the last two of which were spent looking for and trying to make a deal work out on a house. We finally got our house and were looking into getting a dog and, eventually, having a child, but then our economic situation changed and we had to wait on those things too. Once we made the decision to move to Nicaragua, we waited for what seemed like forever for someone finally to rent our house. Now that we are here, it took us a while to find a house that we wanted, and we are still waiting while the house is being completed.

But, that's okay.

I was feeling frustrated the other day, thinking about all of the good things that we can't do yet because we are not in our house yet (having our Nicaraguan friends over for dinner; starting a regular Bible study; as well as other, various "relationship-building" activities—also, having some actual privacy when we want it). The feeling of being in limbo was there yet again. Then it struck me that we have ALWAYS been in limbo ...and it has been okay.

In fact, the whole time we have been feeling like, "If we can just get [x], then everything will be okay," we have had exactly what we have really needed at the time. The temptation is always to rest our hopes on whatever the "next thing" is and to feel anxious, like we're not really complete because we're only in a "temporary" situation. But, first of all, what if the thing that we're waiting for never comes? Will all of the "life" that we spent waiting have been wasted? Second, is the thing that we're waiting for really going to fulfill us anyway? Sure, it may make things nicer, but I can say from experience that no matter how much I have gotten in my life (whether physical things, relationships with people, "better" situations), I have always wanted more.

The truth is this: Resting our hopes on the "next thing" doesn't work. If we really want to have a life that feels "fulfilled" and to feel "okay" in whatever situation we're in, we need to hope in something that never disappoints. The only thing that fits the bill there is God. What I mean is that (for example), rather than feeling like we can't really start our ministry until we have our house (even though, hopefully, it will be easier to do so with the house), we should feel satisfied in the fact that God has us exactly where He wants us right now. If our trust is in HIM instead of in the thing that we're waiting for, we will ALWAYS have exactly what we need in every situation. We can also trust in His timing that it is exactly what it should be. I have seen friends go through the long, emotional process of adopting a child. I know that some things are VERY hard to wait for. But, if we are trusting in God through the whole process, we can have peace that passes understanding, and, if we allow ourselves to "rest" in Him, we can even have the ever-elusive patience.

I think this is very important for all of us to grasp because, if we look at humanity and all of time as a whole, there is NEVER a time when ANYONE ISN'T living in limbo, really. Until our physical bodies die and those of us who are in Christ go to be with him, we will be living our whole lives in limbo. Romans chapter 8 implies (at least by my interpretation) that even the rocks and the trees are frustrated by existing in an imperfect, temporary state. First, here are verses 18-25:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I definitely know what it feels like to "groan inwardly." The good thing is that God provides for even this situation, as we read next in verses 26 and 27:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

Being "in accordance with God's will" is the key to this whole thing. We know what we want, but God knows what we need. In fact, the next verse, verse 28, sums up the reason why there is no need to worry or grow anxious in ANY situation:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God has everything covered. There may be things that we wait for expectantly, and those things will hopefully be blessings to us once we receive them. But, even RIGHT NOW we have exactly what we need. We read in 2 Peter 1:3:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Someone who understood this concept was the Apostle Paul. He says of himself in Philippians 4:12-13:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Speaking of being "well fed," I love the scene from the movie "Annie" where Miss Hannigan talks to the orphan children about their lunch:

Miss Hannigan: "And we're not having hot mush today."
Children: "Yay!"
Miss Hannigan: "We're having cold mush."
Children: [groan]

Some days we are just stuck with "cold mush." There is something else that we really wish we could have, but we don't have it. This could be something as important as waiting to adopt a child or something as trivial as wanting our fruit to be of a certain ripeness. This afternoon I was hoping for a sweet, juicy mango, but the vendors in the market were only selling mangoes that were either way over-ripe or totally green and hard. Taking my cue from my friends here who have learned to "make do," I went with the green mangoes ...and it was okay. I would prefer to be living in a house right now instead of in the mission ...but it is okay. If my love and trust is in God, everything else will "work for the good." In fact, it is already good, just not in the way I might want.

What things are you waiting for? What do you do when you don't get your preferences? Does it help at all to know that God is in control? Do you ever feel upset that God is "allowing" things to be the way they are? What thoughts help to encourage you in that situation?

-Becky